When Mother's Day Feels Empty
Written by Clara Hinton
There are no words to completely describe what a mother feels when her child has died. She feels lost, abandoned, afraid, lonely, forgotten, and most of all empty. The emptiness is like none other because it is an emptiness of the heart. When a child dies, part of a mother's heart also dies.
Mother's Day is a traditional holiday that has grown bigger and bigger throughout the years. We are bombarded with advertisements to take out mothers for a special dinner or buy Mother's Day flowers. For more than a month before Mother's Day, reminders are placed everywhere. It's impossible to pick up a newspaper, listen to the radio, or turn on the television without some kind of reminder of Mother's Day.
There are Mother's Day banquets, Mother's Day baby dedications at church, and special family gatherings to honor mothers. All of this is wonderful except for the mother that is grieving the loss of her child. For the grieving mother, every reminder of Mother's Day is like another wound to the heart. The hole in her heart caused by grief grows larger and larger with each reminder, and the emptiness feels darker and colder than she ever imagined possible. What is a grieving mother to do when there are so many reminders of the precious child she has lost?
Mother's Day is the only holiday that specifically uses the word mother, so there is no real way of avoiding this day. A grieving mother can, however, prepare for Mother's Day well in advance so that she knows how to avoid placing additional pain in her life.
Remember that Mother's Day is not a holiday that has to be celebrated. If a grieving mother does not want to attend a banquet, or watch baby
dedications at church, or see special family gatherings at restaurants, then she has the right to choose not to participate in these events without
feeling guilty. Many mothers choose to stay home and do nothing special at all
on Mother's Day, and that is fine. Grief follows no rules and there is no right
or wrong way to grieve.
Explain to others that this day is painful. Giving yourself permission to grieve
in your own way is very healing and helpful, especially during such a difficult
day as Mother's Day.
Do what feels right for you. Maybe that means taking a mini trip away where
nobody knows you. Maybe it is staying at home. Perhaps a walk in the woods or a
walk along the sandy beach would help you during this empty time. Journal your
thoughts. Release a balloon. Or, maybe you want to avoid Mother's Day
altogether. You know what feels best for your heart, and giving yourself
permission to do what is right for you can be the most healing thing of all.
Lastly, remind yourself often that you will not always feel this empty. With
each passing day new hope will enter your empty heart until one day you will
wake up to realize that the empty hole is beginning to fill with somejoy.
Mother's Day is only one day. With a little bit of preparation you can make it
through, and you will have walked one more step in your journey of healing!
